I should really sleep right now but I guess doing this post wont hurt...that much? LOL

Today has been such a wonderful, tiring, fun, awesome, money-draining, fabolous day.
 
I admit I'm not yet one hundred percent better and I absolutely understand why my mom went all apeshit crazy when she found out I'm out and about when I'm supposed ot be resting but stilll. seriously, staying at home these past few days is enough to make me crazy...(which did not happen, btw).

I need to sleep NOW so to make this short, I would just love to thank:

KM && MP for making this day what it was.

and of course Bebs as well. Thank you my dear, awesome, lovable sister <3

That wraps up tonite's post. till Saturday hopefully. here's to wishing tomorrow won't go as awkward and weird as I think think it'll be.

g'nite!

all I really want right now is to have somebody tell me that they're worried about me. That they care. I just really really want that. I want Bebsie back because she comforts me when I'm sick. I'm not saying my mom doesn't do anything but it just feels like she blames me for getting sick. I dont wanna deal with that when I can barely breathe. When I need to catch my breathe everytime I stand up from sitting down.

Why does my life have to feel so fcked up when Christmas is just right around the corner? I know I'm being overly dramatic right now but dont they say that a lot of people get depressed around this time of year? I wont go as far as to think about suicide because that's just really stupid...and pointless as well but I think I'm allowed to feel this way right?

HAHA. i think i just heard my heart break a little some few minutes ago. nothing big, just a small tiny crack which was accompanied by my heart dropping a bit : )

and now i ask myself. why cant my heart let go? i thought i convinced myself that it all changed now. but that simple phrase made my heart drop unexpectedly which means it hasn't changed right? can somebody please drop some kind of something over my head so i could get over it. i need to get over it soon AS IN VERY SOON because this is making me pathetic and sad. very sad. like 'a puppy in a pet store looking out at the window hoping that someone would buy me' kind of sad. 

truth be told i was kinda expecting it to happen. i was expecting it but deep deep deep inside i was also kinda wishing it wont happen. pretty selfish huh? this is what i get for wishing deep inside that it would turn out differently. they dont say 'karma's a bitch' for nothing yah know. honestly though, i dont want to secretly hate a person behind their back just because of my own sefishness.

hopefully the other things im anticipating for the rest of the weeks turns out okay, better yet i hope it turns out the be great.